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Hip-Hop Hanukkah

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'Twas the night before Hanukkah

and all through the nation

Jews were busy preparing

for this sacred celebration

 

The menorah was set

by the chimney with care

the songbooks were open

and ready for prayer

 

I could feel the pangs

of my chocolate cravings

hoping soon to be munching on

that golden gelt savings

 

The kids were fast asleep

visions of toys in their heads

a smell was wafting through the air

of fresh rye breads

 

But this year I decided

it was time for a change

something old Orthodox dudes

might think of as strange

 

After all the boring rituals

and singing is done

let's party into the night

and really have some fun

 

Chorus

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Have a hip-hop Hanukkah

get into the groove

spin around like a dreidel

and bust a Hebrew move

 

Come light the menorah

raise your hands in the air

sip that Manishevitz

like you just don't care

 

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From inside the kitchen

came an unholy clatter

but it was just ol' grandma

making the potato latke batter

 

At the table were

Mortie, Abraham and Rabbi Shmuley

all frowning at the kids

running around so unruly

 

There was talk of bar mitzvahs

and of constipation

and the annual winter Florida

retirement migration

 

But I was tired of all this

old school holiday crap

so I jumped up on the table

and launched into a gangster rap

 

Spitting rhymes about

thugs, pimps, and hoes

and girls shopping for bling

and fancy designer clothes

 

My entire family almost

fell out of their seats

giving me looks like I had eaten

some unkosher meat

 

But I gotta shake things up

throw out the bagels and lox

do whatever it takes

to make sure this Hanukkah rocks

 

Chorus

=========================

 

Have a hip-hop Hanukkah

get into the groove

spin around like a dreidel

and bust a Hebrew move

 

Come light the menorah

raise your hands in the air

sip that Manishevitz

like you just don't care

 

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Up on the roof

I heard a commotion

but they were just installing the satellite dish

I bought on promotion

 

Like a DVD player

or a flat screen display

it's time to start celebrating

in a more modern way

 

Enough with the yarmulkes,

Maccabees, and menorahs 

the purifying oils

and biblical torahs

 

We'll have 8 days of partying

for the Festival of Lights

taking old Judaic traditions

to 21st Century heights

 

I'm going to slam dunk this Hanukkah

like a basketball hoop

make it hotter than a bowl

of matzah ball soup

 

For those religious naysayers

who think I'm blasphemous scum 

you can kiss my ass

all I have to say is shalom

 

Chorus

=========================

 

Have a hip-hop Hanukkah

get into the groove

spin around like a dreidel

and bust a Hebrew move

 

Come light the menorah

raise your hands in the air

sip that Manishevitz

like you just don't care

 

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